Episode XCVI: Vice City, Italia

Dear Reader:

Yes, I was just married about two weeks ago. Yes, I am having a fantastic time on our European honeymoon. I shall tell all soon, I hope. But first, a story of crime, suspense and drama.

[This post is a true story; images have been re-created and/or snatched right off of Google Images.]

It was a Friday night in Naples, Italy- city of pizza, knock-off purses, and population pollution. Meg and I had just watched a fairly picturesque sunset over the port of Naples, and were walking back to our hostel.

This is a real picture of the real sunset, viewing Mount Vesuvius

We were walking up the sidewalk of one of the few streets not choked with masses of people and weaving mopeds. In fact, the only other person in sight was a moped prepared to turn left and come down the street that we were ascending. As we prepared to cross the street we were astonished that the moped didn't cut us off to go first (aggressive mopeds are as Naples as pizza), but waited for us! In fact, as we crossed the street, he actually backed up for us.

But then, right as we reached him, he gunned it past me, turned sharply past Meg's left shoulder, and sped down the street. He was nearly out of sight by the time Meg realized what had happened, and gasped. The gentleman on the moped had snatched her purse, which she was carrying securely across her body, by snapping the shoulder belt. We tried briefly to pursue, but we had a late start, and it was a fast moped. We had just been robbed.

The thief looked reasonably like this (at least that's how the police sketch came out)

Her purse had been pretty packed for such a small volume. We lost quite a lot of cash, her camera, credit and debit cards, passport, and a little crucifix souvenir that had been blessed by the pope.

Fortunately we had internet access at the hostel we were staying at, and were able to contact our mothers, who helped us cancel credit cards and figure out what to do. The next day we filed a police report at the Naples police department, filled with a bunch of officers that seemed to do nothing but sit around, chat about wine and whiskey, and laugh uproariously.


The most important thing to do next was get to the Rome embassy to replace Meg's passport. It was a Friday, and the embassy was closed on the weekend, plus there was a nation-wide holiday on Monday, so we had to wait four days before we could get the passport issue resolved.

In the meantime we moved to Rome, where we continued to enjoy the sites and have a good time in spite of it all. Then early on a Tuesday morning (around 4 am) I awoke to the silhouette of a man outside our hotel window. I instinctively threw a punch through the curtains, but the man had disappeared. An inventory of the room showed that my small carrying bag had been snatched off of the nightstand next to the window.

The thief must have jumped up to the ledge of the window, opened the closed (but unlocked) shutters, as well as the closed (but unlocked) window, to get to my nightstand. I assume I scared the guy off before he finished, as he left my wallet and cash sitting on the nightstand next to the bag.

This is the actual window. Evil Italian ninja placed to give an idea of the scale.

The loss of the bag meant I lost my passport, an iPod, two train tickets to Paris, a guidebook, a notebook of sentimental value, and a crucifix souvenir that had been blessed by the pope (what kind of a blessing was it, I wonder?)

Conveniently enough, we were already planning on visiting the embassy to get a passport later that morning, and now we just had to add an extra passport to the order. At the embassy there were about a dozen people in the room for U.S. citizen services, and every single one of them was there to replace a stolen passport, each stolen in a different manner.

We got our passports, and with some help from my mom we got some extra cash, and we filed a police report for the second robbery. We got a chuckle both from the U.S. Embassy and the Rome police department when we told them that among other items stolen was a police report for a robbery.

Police report detailing the theft of a police report (bottom line)

So there you have it! We got robbed twice in the span of a single extended weekend. It set us back a fair amount of money, and wasted a fair amount of vacation time, but Meg and I survived just fine; in fact, it's the trying times that help you grow the most, I daresay. And now we are back to having a good time, seeing Europe. We are safe and sound in Paris now, where we will finish out our vacation and then return to the states. Au revoir everyone!

Italia: Hollywood had it just about right